I just can’t live like this anymore. People disappoint me way too often and as much as I know that I disappoint them as much as well, I’m quite selfish. Maybe it’s just the way I am, maybe I’m a little demented. I set too high standards for everyone including myself. High enough till only God can reach it. I expect too much from everyone and this causes much misery for me. I want to change, I really do. I just don’t know how.
I now realise that I am a complete bitch. Only after realising can one change, right? So help me change, for I too shall persevere and strive to become a better person. I have written pages and pages and I could write more, filled with words that hold the same repetitive meaning but do nothing about it.
Maybe this time it’ll be for the better, hopefully it will be. And if not, I will live through it and it will be soon.
I’ve got to change. O levels are approaching and there is no room to mess around. I’ve got to focus. I don’t want to end up going to ITE for I know I have no chance in securing a place in art schools. I want to get into Poly for there is where I belong. I can do it, I know I can. I’ve just got to try.
This was written on the 10th of November, 2010.
I'm still feeling the same way now, except for the fact that O Levels are now over. It's been over a year. Why have i not changed?
